Nonbeliever
by Keiraun
Summary: A piece about Balmung. Moderate Angst.


  
**Nonbeliever**  
By: Zell's Girl  
Rating: PG  
Summary: A Balmung reflective piece, looking back at his life leading up to the world, his friendship with Yasuhiko(Orca), and more.  
**Timeframe: Just after Mutation**  
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I dwell in the realm of darkness.  
It is cold— but I have adapted.   
I live in this dull and faded universe.   
I am alone. Secluded for the eternity,  
But I don't mind— Not in the slightest—   
For I am free of the fear and uncertainty,  
All this opportunity bestowed upon me.  
--The Lantern  
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I was born in 1982, back when big hair was in style and music was filled with cheesy keyboards. I was raised in a strictly Buddhist family. I was taught to believe in karma, fate, and the basic pillars of life among many other things. I always tried to abide by the teachings and live a good life.   
  
I was six years old when I played my first video game. It seemed like nothing then. Just a game. I thought nothing of it, but I assume this was one of the central causes of my current lifestyle.   
  
My family and I lived in Massachusetts for most of my early years until we moved back to Japan, where I attended college. I always studied hard but took time to go to 'Do As Infinity' concerts and those hardcore parties. I was a typical college guy, despite my slight nerdish tendencies.   
  
May I ask you something?   
  
Do you remember those games that came out when we were in our late teens? The ones released year after year that somehow still managed to enthrall the kids in us? My old Playstation Two is merely a relic now, a useless toy on a shelf somewhere, though it was my largest escape from reality then.   
  
I grew out of games when I graduated from college. I worked as a programmer for a large internet based company known as Naikoji. I had decent job, and 'wisely' invested almost all my earnings in the Stock Market.   
  
Then came the Pluto's Kiss, the first problem that really afflicted me directly in my life. I lost all my money due to the internet's crash. So, when I was a man of twenty five, I shamefully moved back in with my mother for a short. I was so loss of where I was going in my life. As I waited for responses to my resumes, I took up playing a game known as "Fragment".   
  
In time, I got back on my feet, rose up the corporate ladder, and now have a very nice job. I had the money to move into a nice apartment, and later a gorgeous waterfront home. My life got back on track. I was on top of the world.   
  
One week when I was using up my stored vacation days, I noticed some game information on the turnover of "Fragment" to a new system known as "The World". Remembering my conflicted days I entered the game shop and got into a pleasant conversation with the girl behind the counter. With both intriguing insight and the woman's number (written on my arm, ever so classy) I resurrected my old ways.   
  
This was the beginning of something different for me.   
  
I began to play "The World" almost every day. After my usual day of rough work, I relaxed by eviscerating innumerous monsters. It was on my way to a dungeon that I first encountered Orca. He was a strong player, on the same mission as I was. We joined forces temporarily to defeat some sort of legendary beast everyone was so intrigued by on the boards.   
  
We wandered from dungeon to dungeon, day by day, searching for the monster. My mind was set on the new, one of a kind skin offered as a prize. I just assumed that was my partner's motive as well, so I never asked. We didn't really talk much at all for a while, until one day when he actually asked me, "so, who are you really out there?"   
  
I bonded with the boy over time, and actually began to think of him as a friend. I always kept my life aside from the game except for with Orca. It was nice to have someone who listened, and who I could talk to in return about random things. He knew about all the old games of my youth to the modern crazes, industry and stocks, all the things that interested me. We got along perfectly.   
  
When we became known after our victory and we were finally offered those one of a kind skins, Orca refused. After I was redesigned, I asked him why he did not do so as well. He made he character smile and said merely "I'm just another player, I want everything to be fair for me and all others".   
  
Orca was an idealist. He was stubborn in that way, never taking the upper hand. He always had to make sure everything was fair. He was renowned as "Orca of the Azure Sea", a man of the people.   
  
It was maybe another year in our friendship when it all came crashing down. The day seemed well enough. I had just come home from a date with Kana (the game shop girl), and Orca told me that he was going to show a friend of his around the world that afternoon. I thought nothing of it, and allowed my partner some time with his new companion.   
  
It was no more than six hours later, so I heard, that Orca fell into a coma.   
  
Rumor has it that some people in the game have the power to hack a person's data. It's said that the Nuero-Goggles FD send a pulse through a person's system when hacked, causing them to slip into the comas. I never really knew whether to believe it or not at first.   
  
Either way, I still hated hackers for the loss of my money and pride so many years before. The possibility that they hurt Orca only continued to fuel my rage.   
  
The troublesome thing is Orca's friend Kite's position. He uses the same hacking ability that is rumored to have damaged my companion. For that, I can not accept the child. Hackers are scum.   
  
To battle hackers as an act of vengeance for my fallen comrade, I became a 'spy' for the administrators on other players, primarily Orca's friend. This was what I saw as fitting at first, until I realized I was letting myself be used.   
  
Did I fail to mention Orca himself was a child? He was a fourteen year old by the name of Kamiya Yasuhiko. I was surprised, to say the least, when Kite told me this, considering Yasuhiko acted so mature.   
  
Orca is my exact opposite, as sea is to sky. He was a man of the people, and I am a lackey of the great game deities. I wonder if my young friend would be ashamed if he saw what I was doing…?  
  
I'm too old to be idealistic now. I have come too far in my life. I've made mistakes. I've redeemed myself. I've been faced with too many pivotal decisions to see things in black and white—straight good and straight evil. I see in color.   
  
All this trouble over a game seems laughable, doesn't it?   
  
I miss those RPGs of my youth right now. Everything was far less complicated. It didn't matter what I did there, because my path was predetermined. Now, I must strive and make my own way through the world unrestricted.   
  
I am not a believer in fate any longer.   
  
--Fin  
  
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Hi. I love Balmung. I am going to hug him to death someday, then stuff him, then build a shrine around his well-preserved corpse. That's my life's goal. Sorry, ignore me. ^_^  
  
I wrote this in English free-write, so it's really short. I liked this so much that I typed it out. I hope you liked it. I tried to capture the Balmung-ness of Balmung. I hope he's cute in the real world… *squibbles*  
  
Okay, tell me what you think. Or not. I understand if you are too lazy/busy to review…   
  
--Kate   



End file.
